Script Notes

I'm back working on The Tempter. I just got notes from the producer. I thought it might be a good time to post notes I got from WriteMovies.Com last year.

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THE TEMPTER
By: Julia M. Camara
Notes by: Aisleigh Sawyer
Date: 04/25/07

The premise of this screenplay is original and the story unfolds in a way that is suspenseful, unpredictable and exciting. The script’s open-ended finale leaves a lot to the audience’s imagination and provides a clever and dramatically satisfying twist to the story. The supernatural element is kept grounded in the everyday and is thus believable in the context of the story but the action and fantasy have the imaginative power to sweep an audience up into the thrill of things. There is a lot in this script to keep an audience on their toes, keep them intrigued and wanting to know what happens next: it is a compelling story that combines elements of horror, fantasy and drama to great effect.

Despite the unreal events, the story is still connected to real life – the universal themes of grief, desperation and fear are expressed via strong and emotionally deep characters whose relationships with each other are nicely developed. The central character, Debora, undergoes a significant character transformation, which adds emotional depth to the story. The characters are rendered with insight and natural dialogue that befits them, making them three-dimensional and believable. Hence, they are characters to whom an audience would relate and sympathize with. The only exception is the ‘evil villain’ John, who remains perhaps too much of a mystery. His characterization is too thin and hence he seems little more than a stereotype. Who he is, the background to what he does/what he offers and the Biblical reference that is only very briefly touched on could be fleshed out to provide a more compelling and dramatically rich backdrop. This area of the story would certainly benefit from being more highly developed.

Visually, this is an engaging piece that would work well on the screen; the supernatural and disturbing scenes are subtle enough so as not to be obtrusive but provide an interesting and stimulating spectacle. The fast pace is maintained by a tight and focused story and increases accordingly with the climatic final plot point and resolution. However, unless the story behind John is developed the story as a whole risks being too thin and too reliant simply on the momentum of events to propel it forward.